Why I Had to Murder my Mother

I couldn’t put this fascinating, engaging (very disturbing in places) book down. A really compelling account of a mother daughter relationship.. The author s honesty is heartbreaking.

A sympathetic and frank account of a lifetime overshadowed by a dominating and destructive mother. Personal diaries, successfully hidden from prying parental eyes, form the basis of this compelling life story. Although the author was discouraged by her parents from becoming a journalist (girls need husbands not careers) there was clearly already a very entertaining and engaging writer in the making. It is encouraging to find, at the end of this very moving memoir, that despite years of family turbulence and so many life challenges, survival, a sense of humour and eventually peace with yourself are all possible.

The story of a betrayal never forgiven and how one woman’s determination to hold on to her anger for over 60 years affects the lives of everyone in her family – and beyond. But it’s also a story of the author’s equal determination to keep on “digging deep”, to maintain a relationship with her damaged mother despite all their battles - finding the laughs amidst the screaming. I loved the descriptions of boarding school life at the Royal Naval School in the 1970s - especially the headmistress who clearly enjoyed inventing bespoke punishments to fit the crimes. And the school holidays spent in Singapore – a place with significant resonance in this story. In adult life the mother-daughter tensions are nearly stretched to breaking point over Katharine’s realisation of her sexuality and her mother’s desire to overrule her. And towards the end there are the challenges familiar to many grown-up children of becoming the carer – or the organiser of carers – for a parent who is fighting their loss of control and independence. That crushing sense of duty which keeps a daughter jumping in the car for yet another emergency drive down the A3 to handle the next crisis. This riveting memoir will resonate with anyone who’s got one of those mothers, or elicit a sigh of relief from those of us who haven’t. Funny, sad and thought-provoking - a character study of what happens when someone just can't let go.

This book is an open, honest and forthright exploration of the Author's deeply toxic relationship with both her parents, but particularly her mother. Katharine demonstrates the ability of the human spirit to transcend and survive the traumatic and destructive forces that dominated her life, and still be able to maintain her humanity, compassion and ability to love those who nearly destroyed her. A compelling and rewarding read.

Katharine’s memoir is a heart wrenching account of a a Mother and daughter’s complex relationship. A formidable Mother, a rebelious daughter and a true love story between K’s parents. a love story that ultimately went wrong, yet they remained together. So sad and yet amusing. A snapshot in time and a bygone era. A sad ending proving that dementia can ultimately bring families together and love remains and grows.