Tales of a Legless Pirate

Asked to leave a floating Scottish hamburger factory, Woody Legg was retired to the Old Boathouse, a home for unwanted sailors. Run by a strict matron, Frauline Stropalotti, the boys plotted to escape on a disused sailboat, now named the “Prawn Cocktail”.

Woody was born Arfur Legg. Following a terrible accident in the annual meat-balling competition, he became known by his shipmates as Woody on account of his new and beautiful wooden leg. During a furious storm a sailing ship, called the Planket had become washed up, stranded and abandoned in the very muddy boathouse creek.

The surviving captain and crew were saved and rounded up by the large and ferocious Matron Frau Stropalotti who shepherded them back to her care home for retired seamen. One night Woody conspired to win the Planket ship in an all-in-card game of Poo Face. It was around this time that Woody, out on a morning walk with his dog, Crapper, and a parrot called Useless, met a gorgeous lady named Peggy, sitting on a park bench smoking her pipe. Peggy became his sweetheart going on to marry Woody and to have his baby, Stumpy. With the help of The Putney Sewage king and his associates, the Bog-Whoppits and the Nincom-Poops, they wrenched the Prawn Cocktail out of a muddy creek and into the sea. They considered themselves to be 21st Century Buccaneers and, with a map of worldwide Primarni stores, went off to search for old hidden treasures.